This Is How You Get What You Want (and it's what some common spirituality advice gets wrong)
Do you know what you want? Like with vivid clarity?
So many of us know what we don’t want because the painful moments in our lives have made that crystal clear. But when asked what we do want, we have a hard time coming up with specifics.
And that makes it pretty hard to get where we want to go.
As the Cheshire Cat taught Alice, if you don’t know where you’re going, any road will take you there.
The problem is most of us don’t want to just end up “somewhere”.
We have dreams and desires we want to fulfill, but they tend to get lost in the busyness of life, especially when we only have a vague idea of what those dreams and desires are.
It’s so much easier to put a myopic focus on what’s in front of us because it has clarity. It’s hard to focus in on something when we only have a fuzzy idea of what it is.
Too often, our dreams and desires sound like this…
…“I want to lose weight.”
But we don’t specify how much, or when and how we’re going to do it.
…”I want to travel the world.”
But we don’t get specific on which country we’d go to first…how we’re going to pay for it…or when we’re going to go.
…”I want to make more money.”
But we don’t specify how much…what we’re going to do to make it…and what we’re willing to do or sacrifice to make it happen (e.g. time, flexibility, get new training, etc.).
Now don’t get me wrong…I’m all about praying/putting intentions out to the Universe/God/Source…asking for guidance…and being open to receiving.
AND…I think there’s a lot of value to having some skin in the game.
There’s a major part that gets left out when we just toss a desire out to the Universe/God/Source and ask for it to be delivered: the part of co-creation.
We are co-creators with the Universe; not just inert requesters and receivers.
So we have to get clear on what we want. We have to start putting some plans in place for how we’re going to make it happen. And we have to start taking action.
I think that’s when the Universe starts to step in and open doors we hadn’t thought of. It starts to bring the right people…right ideas…and right resources to us.
Sure, sometimes the plans we make and the actions we take don’t work out. But maybe that’s just the Universe kicking us onto the right path…or helping us develop more wisdom…or teaching us lessons that will save us even more trouble in the long run.
There’s a reason the saying, “you learn more from failure than you do from success”, exists in our culture.
There’s a reason we revere the wisdom passed down from these cultural icons who turned their dreams and desires into reality:
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.”
~ Thomas Edison
“I’ve missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I’ve lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I’ve been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I’ve failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”
~ Michael Jordan
“Do the one thing you think you cannot do. Fail at it. Try again. Do better the second time. The only people who never tumble are those who never mount the high wire.”
~ Oprah Winfrey
My guess is that all of them tossed out a prayer to the Universe now and then.
After thousands of attempts at creating the light bulb, Thomas Edison probably sent out some kind of ask, like, “please let this next one be the one!”
I’m sure Jordan sent out a prayer or intention when he knew the play was set up to give him the game-winning shot with only a few seconds left on the clock.
I bet Oprah asked God/Universe/Source to help her when the Oprah Winfrey Network was looking like a colossal failure.
But that’s not why they got their dream. At least not entirely.
They got their dream because:
They were crystal clear on what they wanted.
That dream lined up with who they were; their authentic nature.
They went for it.
I have no doubt the Universe/God/Source stepped in to help out, but It showed up as a co-creator; not as a genie in a bottle granting wishes.
So what do you want?
2023 is quickly coming to a close and a new year will be upon us soon. What do you want to create in 2024?
What do you want to do with your one wild and precious life in this next trip around the sun?
If you’re not clear and you’d like some help figuring it out, I’ve got good news.
My next Bolder Women meeting is all about Dialing In Your Desires! And I’m pulling in a little help from the Universe via my friend and astrologer, Lindsey DePeri-Franz.
Lindsey will help us understand the energetic influences that are coming in through the fall, as well as the big themes of 2024, to help guide our planning process.
(Sneak Peak: your boldest year yet just might be written in the stars!)
After Lindsey’s presentation, you’ll get some time to do some personal introspection on your desires (I’ll have a funsheet to help you out!), and then we’ll break into small groups and discuss powerful questions that will bring you even more clarity to what you want.
If you’re a woman who’s looking to make bolder choices towards your dreams in the coming year, then I hope you’ll join us!
You’ll be surrounded by other women on the same path, and that energy has a natural effect of lifting the tide for all of our boats.
You can get all the information here ===> https://www.meetup.com/bolder-women
We meet in-person in Boulder, CO, for those in and around the area, and we have another meeting on Zoom for those outside the area, or for those who just can’t make the in-person meeting.
If that’s not your jam, though, here are 4 questions you can use to start dreaming of what you want to create in 2024:
How do you want the year to feel?
(e.g. fulfilling, peaceful, free, expansive, exciting, energizing, directed, rooted, joyful, steady, playful, full of passion, etc. Feel free to Google other ‘feeling’ words, or just let your pen hit the paper and write whatever comes to mind!)
Imagine you’re at the end of 2024 and you’re looking back. How do you want to be able to describe it?
(e.g. a major turning point…the year I planted roots and found peace…the year I finally answered my true calling…the year I kicked my bad habit…the year I realized my self-worth…the year I got my health back on track, etc. Try to get as specific as possible. See it in your mind’s eye.)
What is your desire for each of these 6 major life areas in 2024? Think in terms of what you’d like to start…end…achieve…accept…create…or see evolve. Know that “stay the same” is a valid answer
Physical Health
Mental Health
Relationships (family/friends/romance/community)
Career
Money
Spirituality
Now put a star next to the area that needs your attention the most.
One hint as you do this: we humans have a natural tendency to focus on our weaknesses, but as Donald O. Clifton, author of Now Discover Your Strengths, said…
…“You will excel only by maximizing your strengths; never by fixing your weaknesses.”
To be clear, Clifton points out that we shouldn’t ignore our deficiencies. But, contrary to the cultural belief that tells us we should put a lot of time and effort into improving our weaknesses, he says we should only spend time fixing them when they are detracting from our strengths.
He writes:
“The point here is not that you should always forgo this kind of weakness fixing. The point is that you should see it for what it is: damage control, not development. And as we mentioned earlier, damage control can prevent failure, but it will never elevate you to excellence.”
So as you’re thinking about which area needs the most attention; don’t automatically gravitate toward your weakness. If it’s detracting from your strengths and your overall happiness and well-being, then yes, it makes sense to spend some time there. Otherwise, consider putting more attention on what’s going well and maximizing the crap out of it
I hope this helps you start forming some clarity around exactly what you want in the coming year. It’s the first step to getting what you want because it puts you on the right road.
To the Cheshire Cat’s point, any road will take you somewhere. My hunch, though, is that you want to go somewhere specific. Best to figure that out at the beginning of the journey so you can point your compass in the right direction.
Cheering you on!
Terra
P.S. Want some 1:1 help getting clear on your dreams and desires for the coming year? I’ve got an incredible deal for my Bolder Women members only! Check it out here ===> https://soulfireshift.com/bolder-women
P.P.S. Seeing this post after the Dialing In Your Desires meeting? That’s ok – we cover cool topics like this every month in Bolder Women. Join the group here to get notified of all our upcoming events ===> https://www.meetup.com/bolder-women
