Someone Under Your Skin? Do This…
As a life coach, I help women go from “fine” to flourishing, and a big part of that is helping them find and live their purpose.
To me, purpose is that thing that lights us up and makes us come alive, so the more we engage in activities around our purpose, the more we feel everything we long to feel as human beings…
…happy, fulfilled, motivated, passionate, directed, and actualized!
So today I want to talk about one of the biggest things that pulls us away from our purpose: our thoughts about other people.
How much time do you spend thinking about what other people should or shouldn’t be doing, saying, or being?
Whether it’s the shade we think someone (our neighbor, co-worker, spouse, kid, stranger, etc.) is throwing our way…
…the crappy post we saw on Facebook or Twitter that irritated us…
…or the things we imagine people will think and say about us if we do, say, and be what we really want…
…most of us spend an ungodly amount of time in other people’s lives.
I call it the Vitality Vampire because it steals our time and energy and sucks the life right out of us.
Rather than feeding our inner light, it eats away at it.
Imagine if we spent even half the time we spend mentally living other people’s lives actually living our own! Imagine all the additional time, energy, and mind space we could put towards living our purpose and turning the bold dream we have for our life into reality!
And yet…as a creature of nature that longs for safety…and a social animal that’s hard-wired for belonging…it’s natural for our mind to focus on others.
So how do we snap out of the spell of the Vitality Vampire?
This is something I’ve been working on.
Taking inspiration from Marshall Rosenburg’s book, Nonviolent Communication, I’ve started asking myself this question:
What need am I trying to meet by focusing on this person?
As I already mentioned above, much of our ruminating on other people is driven by our need for safety and belonging.
We’re either trying to protect ourselves against a perceived attack, or we’re trying to make sure we’re included and approved of and that we don’t ruffle the wrong feathers.
So when you find yourself sucked under the spell of the Vitality Vampire, one way to get out of it is to identify the need you’re trying to meet, and then ask yourself…
“What’s the best way for me to get this need met?”
In my experience, your answer will come down to two options:
Communicate openly and vulnerability to the other person about what you need and see if they can meet your request. Hard, but worth it if the person you’re ruminating over is a close friend, business associate, or family member.
For a great framework on how to do this, check out the book I mentioned above: Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. You can also find free audio lessons from him on Youtube. This one is especially good for moving out of anger and into a productive conversation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izvJfBoeZR0
Focus your attention elsewhere, like on the things that feed your light, your energy, your joy, and your fulfillment.
One of the byproducts of engaging with people and activities that support these inner qualities is that you automatically feel safer and feel a sense of belonging.
Your nervous system relaxes and you go from surviving to thriving!
So when you catch yourself under the spell of the Vitality Vampire, mentally living someone else’s life, ask yourself this question to refocus your attention:
How do I want to feel? What can I do to create that feeling?
Whether it’s a self-care activity that helps you fill your own tank…an act of service that enriches someone else’s life…or a way of using your gifts and skills to bring more light to the world…
…we always feel more secure when we’re putting the best of who we are to use.
Your own creativity is the only limit!
Whichever option you take to break the spell of the Vitality Vampire, know that the solution holds a common denominator.
You have to bring your attention back to the words, actions, and behaviors that you can control: yours.
P.S. Staying on your purpose is hard. Our mind loves to get caught up in multiple places. But you came here to do something meaningful. Find out how I can help keep you moving toward what you want by setting up a free Meet & Greet call with me here: https://soulfireshift.com/coaching/
P.P.S. Don’t know your purpose, but longing to feel lit up and “on track”? I help with that, too! Set up a Meet & Greet call with me using the link above and let’s see if we’re a fit!
